What is a Penelope Trunk?

I have talked to a lot of strange people with strange jobs and strange philosophies, but nothing beats the rabid exchange I had this morning with a “coach” named Penelope Trunk.

She came fast into my life; I had just read one of her blogs, and booked a session to ask about a claim therein (specifically, Trunk linked narcissistic traits and mathematical skill). Under a day later, I was talking to her. Or rather, listening to her.

Within seconds, Penelope wanted to know what the fuck is wrong with me: why the heck am I making journalism instead of kids? Am I sick or something? A trust fund kid? A madcap runaway from the aristocracy?! How did I end up with so much freedom that I am able to think about things like journalism, podcasting, and whether people fact-check their blogs?! I tried to answer, but she interrupted again.

Penelope emphasized that my life choices are irrelevant, as I do not impact anyone (I have no children). At one point, she was yelling something about the media.

We were fifteen minutes in when she finally took a breath.

“Well,” I said, “Thank you for the call.”

There was a pause.

“…okay…” she replied, quietly, and hung up.

But seconds later, she was calling back.

Decline.

These kind of people are not new to me. Tony Robbins, Teal Swan, Dr. Phil. These are the kind of pushy know-it-alls I deal with all the time in my work. They think they are dishing out “frankness” or “tough love” or “contentious opinions,” but they are charging you for your own mistreatment. It’s a trap they dare you to sit in.

Sometimes they are grifters. At least one person has sued Trunk for (the claim goes) splitting with $150,000. Others criticize her unscientific methods, or complain about her bullying phone demeanor. As many point out, she has also changed her name four times.

I emailed Penelope after our call, and asked about her refund policy. She replied that she did not have one, and — tellingly — that her business would fall apart if she did:

“If you don’t like my opinion[,] you don’t get a refund. I could never run a business that way.”

But I pressed, and she quickly relented.

“I can’t deal with you,” she said.

Two hours later, I had my money back.

Then, I looked for others who had talked to Penelope Trunk (aka Adrienne Greenhart, aka Adrienne Roston, aka Adrienne Eisen). It’s not a pretty sight.

Her singular obsession seems to be telling women to have kids, and then to home-school those kids, and then to get them to top tier schools. (No wonder she didn’t know what to do with me, a 41-year-old, married, successful woman with three animals and no fallopian tubes).

She has been at this years, writing insulting “careerist” columns since the early 00s, chastising women to ignore their own interests:

“If you can’t cope with sex discrimination in your job, you couldn’t cope with it in someone else’s job, either,” she wrote in 2005, absent all irony.

And, if you’re wondering, I didn’t get the answer to my science question.

So! If you are reading this while on the phone with Penelope Trunk, you have options. One is to hang up.